Can we all agree that the DJ who kept dropping bops was the best part of last night’s APC convention? While we sat and watched contestant after contestant come on stage to either step-down or drop hot lies, the DJ turned each break into a dance party. Inspired by his incredibly shady playlist, we’ve decided to give each presidential candidate a song that accurately matches their chaotic energy.
1. Bola Ahmed Tinubu — Buga (Lo Lo Lo) by Kizz Daniel
This election has given Tinubu more nicknames than your local up and coming rapper. The self-declared kingmaker who’s decided that he must be president before he turns 100 was welcomed to the stage with the lyrics from Kizz Daniel’s Buga (Lo Lo Lo), “Collect your money. Wake up!” playing loudly at the APC convention. After hearing the lyrics to that song, it came as no surprise that the other candidates started withdrawing from the race, as if the ₦100 million they used in buying the ticket was shawarma money.
2. Professor Yemi Osinbajo — Playboy by Fireboy DML
No other song describes our BDSM king like this banger from Fireboy DML. A true Yoruba demon tune, Professor Yemi Osinbajo is the biggest political playboy of the presidential race. He has the swagger, the white agbada, the sweet mouth and most importantly, the gaslighting tricks. This man promised to change Nigeria and literally give us the moon like he hasn’t been a part of the current government for seven years. We see you, Christian Grey. Ooof!
3. Atiku Abubakar — Stand Strong by Davido
This has to be Atiku’s morning devotion song at this point. After running for president five times, this man is still standing strong, even though most of us would prefer it if he just sat down. It can’t be that deep, sir. It’s almost like he forgot something in Aso Rock, because why has he been running for president way before we even had Nokia 3310? On Stand Strong, Davido sings about having more than nine lives, which might mean Atiku has three more elections if he loses the one in 2023. Wahala.
4. Rochas Okorocha — Levels by Flavour
It’s only in Nigeria that a presidential aspirant will confidently announce at the primaries that less than a week ago, he was in detention based on corruption charges. Rochas came on the stage to shade all the other aspirants and remind them that he was rich before he even went into politics, unlike the other brokies who used government funds to run. With that type of energy, there’s no way Levels by Flavour isn’t this man’s theme song. Shade aside, that statement is rich, coming from someone who allegedly stole over ₦2.9 billion from public funds. Glass houses, Rochas, glass houses.
5. Peter Obi — Gentility by Melvitto and Wande Coal
Peter Obi definitely listens to Gentitility, and we aren’t talking about the sped-up TikTok version. The former Anambra state governor has moved from vice presidential candidate to presidential aspirant at the PDP and now, Labour Party presidential candidate. He might not have the initial ginger of all the other presidential candidates, but he has managed to become an underdog ahead of the 2023 polls. You can definitely tell that this man recites the lines “Gentitlity oshey stupidity” every time he wakes up.
6. Nyesom Wike — Free Madness by Terry G
Is there anyone Nyesom Wike hasn’t fought with? From Bubu to Edo state governor, Godwin Obaseki, this man is famous for giving you gbas gbos if you mistakenly breathe in his direction. Since he lost the PDP ticket to Vin Diesel Atiku Abubakar, we doubt we’ll be seeing that energy in Aso Rock. Either way, Free Madness is definitely his morning alarm song.
7. Uju Ohanenye — Sweet Mother by Prince Nico
We should’ve known something was wrong when she started her speech by saying,” Naijas”. Where is the “s” from? Who even says that? Because her motivation to run hinged on the assumption that Nigeria needed a mother, it feels apt that her official theme song was Sweet Mother by Prince Nico. Thanks for coming ma.
8. Rotimi Amaechi — Kilometre by Burna Boy
Why Kilometre by Burna Boy? Amaechi was the Minister of Transport, and he also ran a lap around a stadium to prove he was fit to run for president. We didn’t even have to dig deep for this one. He repeatedly asked delegates not to vote for him if they didn’t think he was qualified. Quick question, sir, are we voting for a president or someone to represent us at the Olympics?