Nigerian mothers deserve the award for being the best in being passive-aggressive. Instead of telling you how they really feel, they’ll make these statements — I promise you that your mum has said at least five of them.
“Do what you want”
This sentence comes after they’ve finished “advising” you against a choice you’ve already made concerning your life. They’ll say, “You’re an adult, you can do what you want/whatever you like.” But we all know that in her mind, she’s praying that you do what she wants.
“Is that what you’re wearing?”
When they say this, you know they want you to change and wear something “decent” or what they think is a better outfit for the occasion. As a child, I didn’t even argue, I just changed. Now I tell my mother “yes” with my full chest.
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t go, but…“
When you’ve already gone out twice in a week and are about to go out for the third time, your mother will pull this statement out. That’s because Nigerian mothers feel very uncomfortable with their children having too much fun.
“How will you know? Do you call me?“
This is how they say that they miss you. It normally happens when you’re talking to them and they tell you something about their life you didn’t know. If you make the mistake of saying, “Oh, I didn’t know,” you’ll fall into their trap.
“Are you the first to work?“
Mothers like attention from their children. So when you’re busy and not giving them the attention that they want, they become grumpy, start to throw tantrums and say things like, “Are you the first to have a job?” It doesn’t feel so nice now that the shoe is on the other foot, does it?
“Why can’t they come to your house?”
They don’t want you to go out, so they make it seem like you’re doing too much as a friend. Talmabout, “Let them come to your house instead. Must you always go?”
“Something something grandchildren“
Once you’re grown and finished school, they begin to talk about marriage and grandkids. And they always emphasise the grandchildren part. Every five seconds, “I would have been playing with my grandchildren by now.” Or, “I’m the only one that’s not a grandmother amongst my friends.”
“This person just did so and so“
Nigerian mothers say this when they’re trying to tell you to go get married: “This person’s son just got married o.” Okay, and what are we supposed to do with that information?
Or they can say something like, “Anwulika’s daughter just got a job at the Central Bank of America.” She’s basically saying, “See your mate, do better with your life.”
“You’re now a big *insert gender*. You don’t have my time”
Once again, they miss spending time with you, but they’d rather chew wet rubber slippers than tell you that.
“What’s my own?”
They’ll spend one hour giving you advice and then make this statement at the end. Just say you don’t want me to do it with your full chest. Not that I’ll listen sha. But still, say it with your chest.